Abandonment is a word that kicks up feelings, painful emotions that probably trigger memories that have been pushed way down.
Recently I experienced this feeling of abandonment. My boyfriend/man after 5 years of dating had lived together shared accomplishments. Losses, challenges, joys, days of hunger, days of overflow. A man whom I wanted to marry at one time, a man whom I allowed my children to live with and be disciplined by. A man who met me in a dark place and brought me to a lighter one nurtured me, caressed me, bandaged my wounds, and listened intensely to words, my woes, my hurts and my desires. A man who lit up when he saw me and started a flame glowing inside me. A man at one time made me feel inside, me. A man at one time made me feel safe! Safe. . .what a wonderful place to be. This man who was tall, dark and handsome, I thought, inside and out. This man whom was/is intelligent, loving me! Me! Heard my stories abuse of my past relations, showing me that I didn’t have to worry about that any more.
After all these years, all the energy invested into us, money I invested into us, time, love…somewhere he cut down his efforts, I understood, somewhere his respect for me lessened, I worked harder to get it back, somewhere drug took a hold of us.